where have all the placemats gone?

Since I have started cooking more, we have been eating at our dining room table. I really love this table. It is my most favorite piece of furniture in our home. I remember the day I found it (it was a cloudy Tuesday when we lived in Auburn). I went to visit it for two weeks, in the store, before I saved up enough money to purchase it. I bought it thinking that one day I would pass it to one of my children.

Now, looking at its faded top, I am confident that they will not want it for its appeal. I am now hoping to create enough memorable moments that the ragged and worn top will be viewed as timeless, reminding them of cherished childhood memories. I long for the day when our family lingers at the dinner table, long after everyone is finished eat, sharing about events or arguing over recent topical events. I want to create a safe place where no one is made to feel stupid or is ashamed to ask a specific question. I want to teach my children that they do not have to agree with my thoughts or have my convictions, but encourage them to seek our their own.

I think that family dinner is underrated by both children and parents. It seems that a lot of really smart people agree with me. Huh! Who would have thought :)

"Studies show that the more often families eat together, the less likely kids are to smoke, drink, do drugs, get depressed, develop eating disorders and consider suicide, and the more likely they are to do well in school, delay having sex, eat their vegetables, learn big words and know which fork to use" (Gibbs, 2006).

Of course, the researchers are not able to say what is cause and effect. However, having this time to connect increases numerous coping skills for your children. Compromise ( I don't like chicken but Zoe does.); manners; increasing vocabulary by listening to adults talk; increase problem-solving skills by listening to adults resolve issues (of course only kid appropriate problems -save the hardcore discussions for when little ears aren't around); and being less of a picky eater.

Miriam Weinstein shares some data related to this topic in her book "The Surprising Power of Family Meals: How Eating Together Makes Us Smarter, Stronger, Healthier, and Happier.

"More quantitative data came from The National Center on Addiction and Substance Abuse (CASA) at Columbia University. Since 1996 they have been running studies of some 1200 teens (12-17) and their parents, research that included all kinds of variables and factored out race, class and ethnicity. The goal was to distinguish key factors in youth who engaged in destructive behaviors and those who did not. The results came as a surprise. 'They found that, when it came to predicting kids’ behavior, eating dinner with family was more important than church attendance, more important even than grades at school.'(34)" (Borgman)

"The study has continued each year. In 2003, CASA reported: 'The number (of teens) who have regular family dinners drops by 50% as their substance abuse risk increases sevenfold.' (34)

Here are some more findings:

• Compared to teens who have family dinners twice a week or less, teens who have dinner with their families five or more nights a week are 32% likelier never to have tried cigarettes, 45% likelier never to have tried alcohol, 24% likelier never to have smoked pot.

• Teens who rarely have family meals are twice as likely to say they are bored.

• Teens who have frequent meals are half as likely to be highly stressed as those who rarely have family dinners.

• Those who have frequent family meals are twice as likely to get A’s in their schoolwork" (Borgman). (Sidenote: In the report that CASA put out, 5-7 seems to yield the best results.)

There have been a variety of initiatives through the years to empower parents in this area. One current initiative is Family Day. Family Day is celebrated this year on September 26th. The website has a vast amount of resources. They want to use this day for parents to talk with their kids about heavy and serious topics. I think it is funny that they want parents to have this day with their kids (maybe something they don't do on an usual basis) and want them to talk about drugs and alcohol. If I was a kid - that would really make me mad. "You decide to have this "special" time with me and you are deciding the agenda?" The idea means well. However, I think the once a year approach is poor at best. Again, I don't want to come across as if this concept doesn't have potential. Hopefully, it will serve as the first step for many families.

CASA put out this great PSA to encourage families to eat together more.

I have already started brainstorming about a few changes for the Garrett Family regarding dinner.

1) No cell phone, ipad, nook or electronic device. We currently are attempting to create a technology free zone at the table.
2) Start the meal with a mediation or prayer of thanks. Taking a moment each day as a family to look beyond ourselves and our personal lives will allow us to be more present during the meal. We do not do this currently.
3) Having each person share one positive thing that they were a part of today. My hope is that this will encourage each of us to be aware of those around us. I want our children to see the value in being aware of others heartache and have a desire to help. We do not do this currently.
4) Another idea I am considering is using something like Table Topics. I love the concept. Many times I would love to learn something new about Garrett or the Ian (of course eventually Zoebird), but I don't have the mental energy to ask something fun or creative. Have any of you utilized something along these lines?


Resources:

Borgman, D. (n.d.). Retrieved from http://www.centerforyouth.org/498221.ihtml

CASA, Initials. (n.d.). The importance of dinner vi. Retrieved from http://www.casacolumbia.org/upload/2010/20100922familydinners6.pdf

Gibbs, N. (2006, June 4). The magic of the family meal. TIME Magazine, Retrieved from http://www.time.com/time/magazine/article/0,9171,1200760-4,00.html

Miriam Weinstein (2005) The Surprising Power of Family Meals: How Eating Together Makes Us Smarter, Stronger, Healthier, and Happier, Hanover, NH: Steerforth Press L.C., 257pp.